Honestly
by Spastic Spastic
Summary: HouseWilson After Wilson's family left from a visit he finds a drawing from his niece which House finds too amusing to let go. Her view of her Uncle is genderbending. Let's just say that Wilson wants his masculinity back.


Title: Honestly...

Pairing: **House/Wilson ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP Don't like slash? Than don't read it.**

Summary: HouseWilson After Wilson's family left from a visit he finds a drawing from his niece which House finds too amusing to let go. Her view of her Uncle is gender-bending. Let's just say that Wilson wants his masculinity back.

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"Apparently my niece Megan left me a little present on the kitchen counter," Wilson said taking a seat beside House on the couch. He let himself lean on the other mans chest.

"I wonder what an ADD-riddled child with a sailors vocabulary would leave behind?" House said. Of course people know House does not like kids, but when you hear any child say 'Pass me the goddamn potatoes or I'll break your face', they tend to grow on you.

"This-" Wilson handed him a piece of paper "-is a demented view only a ten year old could have."

House studied the poorly drawn, but colorful, picture with two men (maybe) holding hands - he only knows this from his name and Wilson's hanging above each picture - and he could swear that the one that was supposed to be Wilson was a crossdresser.

"Oh! Is Uncle Wilson a crossdresser? I never knew!" House paused, only getting a glare from the oncologist. "Or should I say Aunt?"

"Don't ask me why I'm wearing a dress. It's not like she's seen me in one!"

"Maybe 'Uncle' Wilson is hiding a surprise in his pants?"

"You know that I'm a man!" He scoffed.

"But not _the_ man. To this kid I wear the pants in this relationship." House stopped the mocking momentarily to stare at his drawn-counterpart. "My cane... is it sticking out of my ass?"

"I guess she's a good judge of character," Wilson agreed while trying to hold back laughter.

"Atleast it's not sticking out from underneath a skirt," He shot back. "Don't you women belong in the kitchen anyway?"

"Not anymore. We get to even vote now."

House handed the picture back deciding not to go into the detail of why he had fangs with little bits of blood on them. He refuses to give the girl one cookie and he's branded as a jerk forever. "Is this a picture you'll hang up on the refrigerator?" House asked knowing very well that it was going somewhere in a dark, deep drawer.

"I don't need anyone else thinking that I'm a fem gay man just because I cook and clean!" Wilson protested taking the paper back.

"Fine. Keep hiding in the closet with your fabulous skirts and blouses."

"I'm not in the closet anymore with no thanks to you," he reminded.

"If every straight couple can grab eachother why can't a grab your ass once and a while? It didn't hurt anybody and only a couple people saw it."

Wilson was irked that even one person saw it. "One of them being Cuddy!" He finally remarked.

House rolled his eyes. "She liked it."

"I just don't want to be seen as the feminine man. It's..."

"So when she called you Aunt, she meant it, right?"

Wilson rubbed the bridge of his nose in frustration. "You're not helping."

"Look at the bright side - if we're on a sinking ship, and they call out for the woman and children, you can get on the escape boat quicker."

"I want my masculinity back."

"Go back me a pie in the shape of a football. That'll show em'."

"I'm going to put this away and go take a shower," Wilson groaned and got off the couch. He was met with a smack on his rear to which only swerved around to say something but House was flipping through channels as though he had not just invaded his boyfriend's privacy. "You watch it. One of these days, House..."

While Wilson was in the shower, House began to wonder if he had been left a 'present' too. With that in mind he went into the kitchen and speculated on where she would have left it. She was weird child so she would think to put it some place that was meaningful - atleast to her.

The cookies was what conclusion he came to. Since he had told her no she had stormed off. It was perfect.

Sure enough stuffed in a ball in the jar of cinnamon and almond cookies was a picture of a pile of cookies with her standing on top of it, House (allegedly) under it with only his hand popping out of which clutched his cane, and Wilson (still in his dress) crying at the sidelines.

"If everyone were as honest as children the world would go to hell in a hand basket," House aimlessly said and threw it in the trash.

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